(By Kim & Derrick)

Last week Derrick and I had an argument. While my husband, I feel, is the right candidate to win the ‘Most Patient Man’ tag, it doesn’t take much time for my temper to flare up. In the end, a trivial issue just got the better of us and got blown out of proportion.

Dealing with anger in married couples

When married couples fight, demons party!

At the end of the day, the Holy Spirit taught us some practical lessons on dealing with anger and it’s after effects especially in the context of marriage:

1. Short tempered? You are a fool

I find it amusing that lot of people, especially men take pride in accepting that they are short tempered. But the Bible clearly tags them as fools. A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control (Proverbs 29:11). Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools (Ecclesiastes 7:9). Why are you a fool? Because by giving room for anger you are giving the devil an inroad to attack your marriage – Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret–it leads only to evil (Psalms 37:8, Eph 4:31).

2. You are fighting yourself!

In a marriage God has made both husband and wife ONE, never forget that! Ephesians 5:31 says “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”. Earlier in the chapter Paul says in Ephesians 5:28 – He who loves his own wife loves himself.

Have you ever seen a person fight himself? We call that person insane, mad or demonized in today’s time. You get the picture? When couples fight this is the picture all heaven and angels see, not two people but one person hurting himself and finding all the ways to justify it. Believe me every demon comes to watch this crazy show.

No matter how right you or your partner feels he/she is, keeping anger and not talking is only going to suck you of your anointing and cause pain to both of you. There is no winner here only one big loser and that is you. The devil will take full advantage of this situation as he sees an open invitation to attack the believers’ mind and will bring up every possible wrong imagination, thought, occurrence of past fights to make it even more impossible to forgive.

But if you seek the Lord in this situation you will hear a still small voice saying “forgive seventy times seven” and once the act of forgiveness is initiated, you will find the peace of God surround you and angels and the Holy Spirit will once again minister to you.

3. Know when to keep quiet

As my mother-in-law always says, “When one is angry, the other should learn to keep quiet.” I buy this advice because it is coming from a woman who in her 50 years of marriage has never seen a SINGLE fight in her marriage. Sounds unbelievable, right? But her testimony has proved that it is not impossible! I think this should encourage all married couples to raise their standards in love.

A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel (Proverbs 15:18). We are often quick to justify our point, but it is more wise to keep quiet when the other is angry. Never provoke one another or back answer harshly.

4. Guard your mouth

Guard your mouth. In your anger do not pass hurtful remarks. Stick Ephesians 4:29-32 on the walls of your heart: Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger and be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Also never wash your dirty linen in public. Social media has now become a platform to share everything we do or say, but never use it to belittle your spouse or share sarcastic comments or status updates. What you may do in a fit of rage, may leave deep scars on your spouse. That’s clearly not the way to deal with the situation no matter how justified you are.

5. Finally, don’t sleep without patching up

No matter how hard it may seem, do not let the day end without patching up. It is better to close the chapter that day itself than to allow your midnight to run wild meditating on what has happened or has been said. Ephesians 4:26-31 says: “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,  and do not give the devil a foothold.

Let love lead. And love is patient, kind and not easily angered (1 Corinthians 13). Your love for each other should always be above your self ego.

As someone has rightly put: A marriage is a union of two great forgivers. Be the first to forgive. Be the first to apologize instead of giving excuses. Nothing melts an angry heart faster like a sincere apology.


How do you deal with anger in your marriage? Anything you want to add? Share with us below.